Like any upper middle class Asian worth his salt, I quite enjoy a weekly dose of American consumerism to nullify the painful existence that I am faced with for much of the week. With globalisation well and truly upon us, the variety of uses that commercial space finds for itself now means I can combine my weekly junk-food outing with self-fellating exercises to some thoroughly explicit images of underwear models. Female ones, not the other kind. Once my lust is satisfied and duly wiped away, I make my way down to the eatery that catches my fancy and proceed to satiate my hunger.
But yesterday, my trip to the nearby Burger King felt like a right kick in the bollocks. Hark! What happened, Pervez, you ask? The sight that befell me was nothing short of horror. I was met by an exhibition of North Americans who ranged from terribly fat to outright obese. Once my distress was adequately mitigated, my attitude towards these creatures turned from one of repulsion and repugnance to one of mockery and scorn. “Har, har” I thought, “You sorry bunch of pig fuckers. One day you’ll be lying on a hospital bed after a heart attack and the only thing that won’t have changed is my laughter at your stupidity.”
For years, perhaps even decades, fat people have claimed victimisation by the remainder of society. But, as Pervez can’t help wonder, who can blame society, really, when the obese insist on flaunting their foolishness, repeatedly eating copious amounts of junk food? And after all, it is society as a whole that must bear the cost of these obese individuals – not only do these bed-dwelling, self-harming types tend to look about as sexually appealing as the love child of Jabba the Hut and Grishnakh, but they’re also known to cause significant anguish without respite, as might be witnessed here. A like minded individual has thankfully had the good sense to start a petition to solve the problem.
So wake up, you fat cunts! Stop eating so much and shit more. You can claim discrimination all you like, but do realise that unless you burn off that heft, no one of worth is going to go near that clout of yours!
2 comments:
on the contrary, the laws of physics suggest that large (massive) people are more attractive as a result of gravitational pull, or clout as you so elegantly put.
That's a terrible mentality to have, those people are just like the rest of us. Fat people don't choose to be fat, it's just that their metabolism is not as effective.
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